As I’ve come to the 11th friend lost in just over a 2 week span I have started to examine certain aspects of my life. Examining why these people would leave, what brought them to it, and why I was little more than annoyed instead of saddened by their leaving. All of these people had completely separate reasons as to why they could no longer be my friend, none of which will be stated as a respect for privacy of them and myself. I have come to realize that over the course of my life this has happened quite a lot. I keep little company, the vast majority of people I know through school are little more than acquaintances and annoyances in my eyes. However they know this as I clearly state it from the beginning. I don’t particularly believe in being false with people (as far as that goes, the internet is a whole different beast so those who know my true situation don’t call me on that) and I believe in being upfront and downright blunt with people. I’m pretty much viewed as downright mean half the time because of this. My personality, my life, is like a flame that many would say burns brighter than most. This is a double edged sword in most cases. It is the very thing that draws people to me and it is the very thing that drives people away from me. I have a personality that constantly pushes people away, yet I often find myself surrounded by people. These people aren’t particularly friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, and random people from school and club that feel the need to follow me. And even though I push them away they’re drawn ever closer. And at some point, they’re burned by the flame and shy away from it. Some, in almost a masochistic sense, keep returning until they are burned beyond recognition and are changed because of it.

         Recently upon examining my life I have thought that I haven’t changed at all, that I’m still the same person I’ve always been. To an extent this is still very true. Thinking that the people who leave are the ones who have changed to the point that they can no longer stand the fire. For many this is indeed true. They’ve changed into the people they said they hated just a couple years ago. I realized at close examination that yes, I have indeed changed. I have grown more bitter at the world, my flame burning everyone in my path that opposes me with no remorse. Experiences in life don’t make you stronger, nor do they wear you down, they just simply shape you. They bend and twist your very being into something glorious, or something hideous. But, that’s life, nothing you can do about it at all. If you go with the flow you accept the twists and turns of life and are shaped into the same form as half of the world. If you go against it, and fight the flow, there’s a good chance it will break you. I personally prefer to be one who refuses to be molded in the first place. Yes certain things are completely unavoidable as we’re very very impressionable as children and many of us remain that way through life. Being able to see behind the veil, seeing the truth, having the ability to see through the fog to places others cannot changes a person into something greater in a way.

          What I have to say about all this is simple. Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want. If you don’t know why you’re my friend, think I’m mean, and hate even talking to me… stop. Leave, I don’t want to have to deal with your drama of hating me while you continue to talk to me. You can’t get near me without feeling the heat of my fire, it is impossible. It’s hard to get close to me in the first place as few have succeeded into even being considered a friend and only one has succeeded in being more than a friend. I don’t believe in letting anyone and everyone in. You will be let in when I let you in and if I dislike you, it will not happen. I am professional enough to work with those I despise when it is required of me for school, club, and work. We all are who we are and I can guarantee you that the deep thoughts in our mind the feelings in our soul do not change so easily. Yes I may judge you upon meeting you because my feelings about people have NEVER been wrong. They only are proven more and more correct over time. Hate me, love me, be indifferent I do not care. I will live my life the way I want to. I don’t break any laws, I don’t go out of my way to hurt people, and I don’t cheat people out of things. I will be who I want to be, deal with it. If you can’t do that, then don’t deal with me. Through all this rain and weathering my fire will still shine brightly. It will not go out from anything shorter than death.
  
TLDR: I am who I am deal with it.